The Ladies Loo Experience!

When you have to visit a public toilet, you usually find a queue of women, so you smile politely and take your place.
Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the cubicle doors, only to find that every cubicle is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the cubicle.
You get in to find the door won't latch, but it doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your knickers!
The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mum, no doubt) is handy, but empty!
You would hang your bag on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't , so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mum would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!)
It's quickly down with your panties and assume ' The hover Stance. In this position, your aging, toneless, thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but having not taken time to wipe the seat or to lay toilet paper on it, you have to hold "The Stance."
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you then discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser.
In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Dear, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!"
Your thighs begin to shake uncontrolably!
Then you remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your bag (the bag around your neck, that you have to hold up high, trying not to strangle yourself, while frantically searching in the bag with one hand; clutching your skirt with the other!)
That will have to do, so you puff it up as much as possible, but it's still smaller than your thumb nail.
Suddenly, someone pushes your door open, the lock doesn't work and the door hits your bag, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest; toppling you back against the systern of the toilet.
"Occupied!" you scream, as you try to reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, while losing your footing altogether and sliding down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.

It is wet of course!
You bolt straight back up, knowing all too well that it's too late, Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because you never laid down a protective layer of toilet paper!
not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she were to find out, because you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could catch.

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl and spraying a fine mist of water that soaks your bum and runs down your legs to fill your shoes.
The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you have to grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being sucked down the bowl too.
At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a sweet wrapper you found in your pocket, whip up your sodden knickers and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the taps with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk out,past the growing queue of women awaiting their turn.
You are no longer able to smile politely at them.
However, a kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe!
(Where the hell was that when you NEEDED it?)
You yank the paper from your shoe, plonk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you'll need this!"
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men's toilet.
Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long and why is your bag hanging around your neck?"
And if only someone had told you that your skirt was tucked into the back of your knickers, you'd have known why the other shoppers were smiling at you!!

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with any public rest rooms/toilets (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!).

It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long!

It also answers that other commonly asked question about why women go to the toilets in pairs.
It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your bag and hand you Kleenex under the door!