The Second Installment Of The Darwin Awards
For those not familiar with the
Darwin Award -- It's an annual honor given to the person who
provided the universal human gene pool the biggest service by
getting killed in the most extraordinarily stupid way.
As
always, competition this year has been keen. Some candidates
appear to have trained their whole lives for this event!
DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during
a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and
tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....
The Honourable Mentions:
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine
and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance
company.
The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look
for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was
approved.
A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
the space.
Understandably, he shot her.
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found
that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare
to Bulaweyo had escaped.
Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus
stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff
that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and
asked for change.
When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for
all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.
The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the
counter.
The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime
committed?)
Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run.
So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head,
knocking him unconscious.
The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her
purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to
give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the
car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car
and told to stand there for a positive ID.
To which he replied, "Yes,
officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register without a food order.
When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available
for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a
chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck.
Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled
the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home.
With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still
attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached
to the bumper. They were quickly arrested.
and A 5-STAR DARWIN AWARD WINNER!
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle Street, he got much more than he bargained for.
Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a
motor home near spilled sewage.
A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline
and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the
best laugh he'd ever had.